Brita Wine

Pulling the cork out slowly. What’s that funny crunching sound? Did I break it? No, no, it’s just the wrapper scraping against the cork. No wait, look, it is broken. A little corner of the lip of the bottle is pulverized. Yeah, that’s broken, I’ve got glass dust on my fingers. How the hell did that happen? Goddamn those fuckers, I didn’t get a receipt! What to do? What happens when you drink glass dust? That has to be bad for you. We could put it through a strainer? No, that wouldn’t catch it. What about that yogi who ate a whole car really slowly? Does your liver filter glass? Put it through the Brita! Is that a relatively old filter? Yes. Do you have a new filter? Yes. The charcoal will catch all the glass. What’ll it taste like? Zima! No, Bartles & Jaymes! Regular wine, except no tannins! Sweet wine! Pour out all the water first. Science! Get your camera! Is it going through? It looks, like, more purple. You guys go first. It tastes like regular glassless wine. Normal non-crunchy wine. (Wait, why did this idea spring so readily to mind? Oh right, this thing.)